I said I was super content. That's a lie. I'm way beyond content [:

The Last Of A Void War

I just keep practicing,

saying goodbye to you

So... It seems like this may be it.. The end of a backless fight that has lasted the past 9-10 months... Between me and Zoey.

Zoey. What else am I supposed to say about Zoey? Since we broke up.. There's just been a tremendous and endless amount of tension between us. Harsh tension. But, within this past week or so, we've kinda been talking. When it started, I was kinda upset, irritated, wondering how we could just move on from everything that has happened, and just attempting to be the best of friends. But now, I don't know.. It feels kinda.. Nice..? Honestly. We're not BEST friends, but it's like we're good friends.. After all the arguments and animosity, I actually feel myself enjoying friendship, with the girl I once believed I'd spend my whole life with.

• 
  
  "I miss talking to you.." -Zoey
  
• 
  
  "Then.. Talk to me..." -Me

It's probably the last thing I expected her to say to me. But, it kinda put a pit inside my stomach. It was just.. Different. In a very familiar way. I'm a contradictory person, if any of you haven't noticed by now. So, basically, for the past couple days, we've been tryin to catch each other on Facebook and stuff.. She came into Culver's the other day while I was working, so I sat in the dining room for a while, 'cleaning' tables and floors and such.. We had a nice chat.. Good laughs.. She told me some serious stuff, and those things, I believe, are what finally got me. I felt that old sympathy for her.. The kind I used to feel when we used to talk about problems going on in each others lives.. Make no mistake! I'm not going to go down that whole road of falling for her again; her and I aren't a pair. I've got my Shelbi now. I'm super content [: But, I just felt for her. I didn't pity her, I sympathized.

Anyway.. Thought I'd just get that out there.. Felt like it was a pretty major, new thing going on.. Other than that.. Not too much lately.. Hoping to find a new job down here so I don't have to travel an hour to work and an hour back everytime, spending 90% of my money on gas.. -_- I'm so in debt at this present juncture... ]: Mreh. Hopefully, I'll get to see Shelbi tomorrow, she was up in Alexandria all weekend so I barely got to even talk to her... /: Bah. Dumb Alexandria school...... :P Anywho.

Time for cool pics!! Commentssss!!! :D On any of this! [:

Making Good Relations, OK?

This is quite possibly

one of the cutest

things ever

:D

So [: Relationships have been strengthened. It's really nice. These people used to be major parts of my life. When they hated me, I simply stopped caring, so it was if they weren't there in my life anymore. But now that BOTH of them have become friends of mine once again, I realize how nice it is to care about them again. Just as friends.. But still.. [:

• Natasha--- She really helped me through a bunch of stuff with Zoey. I really, REALLY liked her. But, everyone thinks I used her, that I was just playing her. Sometimes I think that if maybe that IS what I had done... Then maybe life would've been easier. Idk.. That way, I wouldn't have actually cared, and I wouldn't have been so hurt when people actually started making those accusations.. But whatevs.. It's in the past now [:
• Zoey--- Here's the kicker. Never thought her and I were ever going to talk civilly again. I'm pretty sure her parents still don't even want her talking to me. Understandable. I put her through a bunch of shit before everything blew up. But, we've had our highs and lows since then, and I think everything is finally good again, civility, that is :P

So. I really just want to point out that I'm glad ammends could be made between these two [: That's all... -.-

I really enjoy that ugly duckling.. Idk quite why. It's just incredibly adorable :D I wish I had an actual ugly duckling JUST LIKE that one that I could take care of and raise into a beautiful swan ^.^ Maybe that's how some relationships are. Like these for example. For a while they were really, EXTREMELY ugly-duckling-relationships. But maybe now they can grow and become something beautiful again. Friendship is indeed a beautiful thing [: It makes me happy to have friends. Really happy.

Life just seems to be going really well right now, in general. Friendships being rekindled. Cathcin' up in school. 'Bout to start looking for a job in town so I can actually make decent profit from working. And, as always, Shelbi.

Shelbi.

Shelbi.

Shelbi.

Shelbi Lynne :D I'm so in love with her.. She's got, as stated earlier in a conversation, my thump-thump completely and wholly in her possession now [: It's not even my own anymore. It BELONGS to her [: Everything between us is amazing. No fights, iiiiiincredible physicality, ability to flirt or not flirt and still be completely caught up in one another... ^.^ I honestly couldn't ask for anything, or anyone, better in my life, now or ever.

Anywho. I'm gonna go find a nice movie to enjoy [: Unfortunately, I went to watch my Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End movie, and my DVD wasn't in the case D: Maybe I'll watch Mike's The Number 23 movie.. [: Never seen all of it need something exciting.

Well! Until again!!!

{PEACE}

P.S. - I'd like to re-iterate the point I first made when creating this blog; I would REALLY appreciate feedback, comments, or just a 'I still read your blog' so I know I'm not hopelessly talking [: I just love seeing that I have comments.. Thanks! And now I shall leave you with an interesting thing [:

{{{}{PEACE}{}}}

Again... :P

A video from my favorite podcast; Radio Lab

[Psst... We're watchin' 300 :P]

A Curse Named Love

Curse of Curves

I've got the gift of one liners

And you've got the curse of curves

And with this gift I compose words

And the question that comes forward

Are you perspiring from the irony

Or sweating to these lyrics

And this just in

You're a dead fit

But my wit won't allow it

The inside lingo had me at hello

And we go where the money goes

The inside lingo had me at hello

And we go where the money goes

I want someone provocative and talkative

But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower

And from what I've heard with skin you'll win

Her bone structure screams

"Touch her! Touch her!"

And she's got the curse of curves

So with the combination of my gift with one liners

And my way

My way with words

It seems I'm too hip to keep tight lipped

And you're on the gossip team

You're making something out of nothing

And jealousy's the cousin, the cousin of greed

The inside lingo had me at hello

And we go where the money goes

The inside lingo had me at hello

And we go where the money goes

I want someone provocative and talkative

But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower

And from what I've heard with skin you'll win

Her bone structure screams

"Touch her! Touch her!"

And she's got the curse, the curse of:

From what I've heard with skin you'll win

We all have teeth that can bite underneath

To where the reality grows

Yeah, that's where mine go

That's where mine go

We all have teeth that can bite underneath

To where the reality grows

Yeah that's where mine go

Where the reality grows

From what I've heard with skin you'll win

And from what I've heard with skin you'll win

I want someone provocative and talkative

But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower

And from what I've heard with skin you'll win

Her bone structure screams

"Touch her! Touch her!"

And she's got the curse, the curse of:

From what I've heard with skin you'll win

With skin you'll win

Skin you'll win

They Died for Vengeance | | | For the Sake of Revenge, Lead Us to Death

Through the Back.

~

~

Sometimes things never change. Sometimes everything changes. Sometimes it's all the same, changing and the same all at once. I find this hindering to a life. Whatevs.

~

I was led to believe that I was friends with certain people. So, when one of these people told me of a dilemma, I sympathized. Against the better judgement I'd had for the past few months. But then they decided to go and blame me for their incident because, apparantly, I'm an 'asshole and a stoner.' Hahah! Wow... Obviously that person is the asshole and stoner, 'cuz they're blatantly being a fucker, and obviously very misled in what they believe. Whatever. This is why I drop these kinds of people from my life. Anyone with 'em--- Don't need it. I'm not a part of this ridiculous drama anymore. It's nice to see you people from time to time; I have no part of your lives. You don't want me in them, I don't want to be in them, we're all good.

~

In other news--- I'm having a spectacualr life! :D I've got alot of cool friends down here at college! I've been gettin' some good hours in for work, regardless of the bullshit that happens in that department of my life. I'm gettin' back up there with my homework.. :P Aaaaand.... Of course---

~

~

Shelbi [: Idk... She's just so... wonderful. She's so perfect for me. She's a normal person. She's just like everyone else, except that she's just like me ^.^ More than anyone I've ever met.. Even Elias!! :o I know, right?? But yes. Her and I get closer EXPONENTIALLY everyday. We talk about everything on our minds.. Even when I don't wanna talk about things.. When Zoey and I dated, she would always ask me what was wrong and I would NEVER tell her, but... I dunno.. I feel like I can just trust Shelbi not to get upset or think I'm stupid or anything like that!!! Everything between her and I is absolutely incredible. I've never felt so right with someone in my life before [: Coincidentally--- Since I first met Shelbi, I've never felt like I belonged with someone more than her. Which!!! Brings me to a nice revelation!

`

--->

`

-->

`

->

`

>

`

Zoey Groman. As most know, I was completely caught up in her. In honesty, though, alot of things happened during that relationship. Things that no one knows about. 'Cept for me and Elias. And other people involved. Just 'cuz Elias is the only person I ever told. Not to sound like I went around and just cheated on Zoey or somethin' all over the place. Just. Stuff that truly showed how fuckin' unstable that relationship was. Now, even through all the shit that happened with that chick, I still felt as if I was MEANT to be with her. And, now, I realize I was. Just not meant to be with her INDEFINITELY. If it wasn't for Zoey, I would've never been so perfectly fit for Shelbi [: Zoey got me into alot of things that fit me so well to my darling. Converse, bands, stuff like that. In fact, every MAJOR relationship I've been in, I've felt as if I was MEANT to be with those people. Zoey. Chantelle. Steph. Cassie. Ashley. But, I WAS meant to be with them. I was meant to be with them so they could help me become the person that could fit so well in the end with Shelbi.

~

^.^

~

So!! I must say that I am extremely thankful to those people that helped me become who I am!!! Even if one of them absolutely hates me :D Ah well!

Anywho... I've gotta get at least ONE essay out today :P Plus I got my SI for the Soc. Prob. Exam #1 tonight!!!!!!! Gotta be ready for that thing tomorrow!!!

~

*Peace*

~

~

'I'll wait for you there, like a stone. I'll wait for you there alone.'

Heat In Trust

First Time by: Life House

We're both looking for something

We've been afraid to find

It's easier to be broken

It's easier to hide

Looking at you, holding my breath,

For once in my life, I'm scared to death,

I'm taking a chance, letting you inside.

Feeling alive all over again,

As deep as the sky, under my skin

Like being in love, she says

For the first time

Maybe I'm wrong,

But I'm feeling right where I belong

With you tonight

Like being in love

To feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you

Waiting to come to life

Waking me up to dreaming

Reality in your eyes

Looking at you,

Holding my breath,

For once in my life

I'm scared to death,

I'm taking a chance,

Letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the sky that's under my skin

Like being in love, she says, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing

Into the unknown

We're lost in this

But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the sky that's under my skin

Like being in love, she says, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time

*

**************

****More later [; ****

****PEACE!****

************

Grey Wolves, Red Blood, Black Clothes, White Bones

SO! Been a little while, but just a little [: I'm gonna start this off with sayin' "What the helll?!" Look at that frickin' Rubik's 360!!!!! I just got that this weekend, courtesy of my father!!! [: It's insaneeeee!!! In addition, I finally got a 4x4 cube and can now solve cubes that are 2x2, 3x3, 4x4, AND 5x5. Plus 3x3's with faces.. ;P Anywho.. I've had amazing days lately... ^.^ Some off putting ones.. But days that are good, today for example, make it all worth it [: Not much details to talk about out loud, but, stilll veryyyyyyy incredible :D


Well! Right now, I SHOULD be workin' on the essays/journals I didn't have time to work on this weekend, all of which I need to turn in tomorrow/ this morning.. -_- BUT! Thanks to my need to stay up to do this, I purchased 5-hour energy in an attempt to see if it worked, as everyone else so claims. And it hella did!!! Practically instantly! And, with that, I was inspired! My inspiration involved me deciding to get tattoos and a piercing/s!!!!! Here we go!!!!

I plan for this to go on prolly the back of one of my shoulders ^.^ It's basically a tattoo to memorialize Shelbi, but at the same time, if something happens between us [I certainly hope not], it's not like I got her name tattooed on my body... -_- Not sure what size I want quite yet... :P I got some time though [: Moving on----

I want this on like, an ankle or something [: Not too big or anything, just enough to be able to tell that it's a rubik's cube, and that it looks really bad ass [; Basically, I want the tattoos so that they're not blatantly in the open, for my future theater career. [: Tattoos can be a hindrance in landing roles if they're limiting to a role, etc. But these ones are really cool and can easily be concealed ^.^ Otay! Onto the piercing! ;D

Bam! This is what I want [: A lip piercing :D I'm currently debating on just gettin' my right side pierced, or getting the snakebite look, like in this photo ^.^ Much thanks to one of my besties, Heather Todd [: , for aiding me in my piercing connundrum {: So!!! Time for some interaction [; I need some input on what I should do for the piercing. Right side? Snakebite? What do you guys think???? Lemme know!! :D

Well! There's my little update [: BTW- I'm planning on doing a 3-step process. Meaning--- 1 of these every 2 weeks, AKA-- Each paycheck [: Which means!!! Step 1 willl be this weekend!!! Well... Hopefully :P Furthermore, Step 1 is the piercing [; So!!! Please comment soooooon!!!!! ^-^ Welll, time to finally go do that work!!!!

Peace!!!!!

PS--- I'm now about 65% ready for what's comin'... [: Before I was about 30% ready, than 70% nervous. Now it's practically flipped completely! :D Plus, I now know how soon it'll be upon me. About one week, a little less... -_- But, now I have so much more confidence [: A'ight.

Peace!!! Finally, Again. [:

Drowsy, Bloody, Crazy

Welp. Looks like I'll be off to bed soon. Did some of that work I had to do.. Then lookin' over my stuff, I see that it looks like I forgot to get something turned in on Friday that was due... -_- I don't even know at this point.. Honestly. English is giving me more trouble than any other class. I typicaly enjoy English, but I really can't wait to be done with that class...

So.. I'm tryin' to finish puttin' some music from CD's into my iTunes... Once I'm done with that I'll be off to bed.. To get about 4 hrs of sleep.. -_- BUT!! I can totally sleep once I'm all done with classes tomorrow if I need... [: 'Cuz if I do get to see Shelbi, I could also nap with her! Which would just make me sleep that much better ^-^

BTW-- I just finished off an energy drinks I'd had from earlier... So I'm anticipating crazy dreams. Typically, when I sleep after drinking energy drinks, I have the STRANGEST dreams!!! So! If I do dream, and remember my dreams, I may let you in on these little adventures of my sleep... [:

One last thing... -_- I'm really worried about this thing that I've been thinkin' about... I've talked about it plenty of times with plenty of people in my life.. But now that it's so close... And available... I'm kinda nervous, worried, maybe even scared a litte..? /: But.. On the other hand... I'm over-joyed.. And anxious.. Excited... It's a big flurry of emotions... And I'm not really sure how I'll handle it when my time runs out... }: Oh well.... Guess there's no real way to prepare for this... I'll deal with it...

Alright my friends. This is my farewell. My eyes are kinda bleeding.... I wanna sleep... [What??????] Yep.. It's true... :P

Peace.. -_-